Recently I have become extremely aware of how we all see any situation through the “filter” of our own experiences. I was reviewing a performance management tool with my partner, when he asked me, “In what type of customers would this tool be effective?” After 40+ years of manufacturing management experience, and with the tool using words like processes, tools, equipment, etc., my answer immediately was “manufacturing”. In a split second I flashed back to a recurring realization that has been echoing in my mind in the last few months.
My daughter was engaged. I’d been reading a book about the characteristics the young man in her life should possess. I’d read more than half of the book when I came upon a chapter title that stopped me cold. The title was “Does the young man need to be black?” I had no idea why this question was there. Then in the first line of the chapter the writer said, “Being an Afro-American…” All of a sudden I realized that I’d been reading this book through my Caucasian eyes. I laughed at my self. When I was reading, I was reading about my daughter and my perceptions, not the writers.
A few days ago my wife and I were setting in the cafe at Barnes and Noble and skimming a few books. I picked up a book about reading people’s facial expressions. I read parts of 5 or 6 chapters and then read a comment from the author about being offended by the “gender reference”. I tried to understand why this guy would be offended by a comment mentioning how “he” reacted. You can probably guess what happened next. I look at the cover for the author’s name and it was a woman. Again I was reading through my male eyes. I told my wife and we both laughed.
These situations reminded me of a story Stephen Covey told in “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. He told about an occurrence that happened to him on a New York subway early one morning. He was setting on the subway when a man and his 5 small children got on. The man set down with his head down and the children began running around and disturbing the other passengers. After a few minutes of observing this chaos, Covey was getting very upset. Covey said to the man, “Can’t you control your children?” The man looked up, sighed and said, “I am sorry. We just came from the hospital. Their mother died just a few hours ago. I guess they are just acting out.” Covey said he was so embarrassed. That paradigm shift opened his eyes.
After realizing that the whole world is not manufacturing, I realized the performance management tool I was reviewing would work for Health Care, Retail, Service Organizations, etc. I just had to “shut off” my “manufacturing filter” to “see it”. I believe the biggest problem with communication is we communicate through our “filter” and the person we are communicating with hears through their “filter”. I am learning to open my “eyes”, “shut off” my “filter” and try to understand what “communication filter” is being shared with me. It is amazing to realize at 63 that you have a lot to learn about communication.
My challenge to you is to “shut off” your “communication filters”. Try it. It is amazing what you will “see”.
Christian Life Coach 