Communication Styles – Tellers, Teachers and Mentors

Communication is interesting. I have come to realize that there are multiple ways of passing information. Choosing the right style has a lot to do with the purpose. If the communicator chooses the wrong style the communication may fail.

The first style I call “Tellers”. Think of a speaker addressing an audience. It is one-way communication. The “teller” is not listening, they are only giving concepts and facts. They are talking to people. They never know if the listener understood anything they said. This style can also happen in a one-on-one engagement; especially when someone of perceived authority is communicating to someone reporting to them. No relationship is necessary in this style of communication.

The second style I call “Teachers”. A teacher is a person whose desire is to help the listener understand what they are saying. Often in this process the listener is tested, either verbally or more formally, to ensure they understand what they were told. However, this is also a one-way communication; the teacher isn’t necessarily listening for a response. Teaching happens one-on-one or in a group. The relationship only needs to be at a surface level.

The third style I call “Mentors”. The mentor’s goal is to help the mentee accomplish what the mentee desires to accomplish; not what the mentor wants them to accomplish. It is the role of a guide. This takes two-way communication and listening is the key. The mentor needs to ensure the mentee understands what the mentor is communicating. The mentor then needs to “coach” the mentee until they reach their desired goal. This can only be done one-on-one and the relationship needs depth created through trust and respect.

All these styles have their place. The problem comes when we use the wrong style for a particular situation. You probably have heard someone say, “I have told you three times. Why don’t you understand?” The phrase answers its own question. Saying I have told you does not mean they understand. It only means you spoke. If you really want someone to understand, you need to assume the role of teacher and “test” to ensure your communication was received as intended.

A father, who was a star football player in High School, trying to “mold” his son into a star player is not a mentor unless it is the son’s desire to be a star player. If not, it is what the father desires, not the son. Mentors don’t direct, they guide.

Taking this thought into the business world we need to first realize what we are attempting to accomplish with our communication. Which style is needed in which instance. Communication problems are common in every organization. Choose your approach wisely and reduce the communication failure level.