I read this phrase the other day while I was reading an author’s thoughts on normal one-on-one conversation. The question is do we actually listen to others while discussing a topic on which we have a strong opinion? Do we actually communicate with each other; sharing and understanding each other’s ideas and concepts?
We have all heard the old saying that you have two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk. It is a funny saying, but it isn’t far from the truth. The reality is we are usually so excited to tell people what we think on a topic that we find it difficult not to take over the conversation.
Dictionary.com defines communication as, “The imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, etc.” I find that definition confusing because it seems to have conflicting definitions to me. Are we attempting to “impart” information, which to me implies telling not listening, or are we truly trying to have an “interchange of thoughts”?
One of the habits Stephen Covey wrote about in The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People is “First seek to understand, and then seek to be understood”. There is a great difference between hearing and listening. Seek to listen to what the person is trying to say without thinking of your opinion. Ask questions to clarify if you need to. Once you understand their thoughts you will find it much easier to share your perception of the concept and discuss the differences. You may even find you understand the situation in a new way and change your mind.
Many times when someone is telling us something we are preparing our response before they have finished their thought. Often people “talk over” the other person before they are finished with their thoughts. If we are doing these things we are not listening to each other. We are not having a conversation; we are having collective monologs. Two people talking toward each other, but not communicating.
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