People that know me well hear me quote my mother often. She had many “sayings” that have helped shape me into the man I am today. One of them was her response to a child’s pleading for something. If I would say, “but I really need this thing”, she would simple ask, “Do you need it or do you just want it?” That question irritated me as a child, but has brought great guidance to me as an adult.
Many of her “wise sayings” have become part of my communication language. I have asked the “Do you need it or just want it” question to my kids and grand kids many times. They like it about as much as I did as a child, but it does open us up to some great “teaching moments”. Helping them define the perceived need into a want helps mold their thinking as they grow.
It is a good question to ponder throughout life. Do you need some chocolate or just want some chocolate? Do you need a new car or just want one? Would a good used car fulfill your actual need? Do you need more money or just want more because you tend to spend more than you have? Maybe you need to learn to live within your budget? Perhaps what you really need is to create a budget and then follow it.
Multiple times in scripture God says, “He will supply all our needs”. Are there things in our lives we believe we need but God has not supplied them yet? It makes me think of the Israelites telling God they “needed” a king. They believed they needed a king. They believed they needed a king so they could be like the other nations. We look at that situation and think why would they want a king when God was leading them? Wouldn’t God obviously be a better leader than a man? Then I think, are we so different? We believe we need something, but what would actually happen if we got it? Or what would happen if we didn’t get it? Only God knows how it would affect our future.
One of my favorite song writers, Rich Mullins, wrote these words in a song, “Everybody says that they need just one thing, but what they really mean is they need just one thing more”. It reminds me of the verse that says, “The eye never gets enough of seeing”. The more “stuff” we see people around us have, the more we believe these kind of items are needs in our lives…not just wants or worse simply temptations.
Two of my favorite sections of scripture are Matt 5 – 7 (the Sermon on the Mount) and John 14 – 17 (Jesus’ conversation with His Disciples right after the Last Supper). From a truly human perspective I see these as key speeches in the ministry of Jesus. They are His first and then His last major speech. It seems to me they are key “book-ends” to His ministry; situations where deep truth was shared. They both address the question of need.
Matt 6:7-12 is the “Ask, Seek, Knock” passage. Matt 6:7 says, “Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” It seems to me some people see this passage as a vending machine. All you need to do is ask and the heavenly vending machine will deliver. As often is true, people read a verse or two of scripture but stop too soon to get the whole picture. Matt 6:9-11 go on to give clarity the thought, to me. It says, “Would any of you who are fathers give your son a stone when he asks for bread? Or would you give him a snake when he asks for a fish? As bad as you are, you know how to give good things to your children. How much more then will your Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”
I have heard people say God answers every prayer…except sometimes the answer is “no”. That is not what Matt 6:7 says. It says, “Ask and you will receive”. I find it interesting how we create “principles” to fit what we believe instead of exploring scripture for clarification. I have never read a verse where it says God says no to some prayers. This makes me realize that prayer is more than a list of what we want God to do for us. Prayer is a seeking of guidance, wisdom and the will of God. If we are truly seeking God’s will He will never say no. The key here is His will…not our will.
So when your child says, “I need a candy bar”, but you know it would spoil their appetite for a healthy dinner, you do not give it to them just because they asked for it. Your desire is to give them “good things”. You say to them, “It will be better if you wait and have a healthy dinner”. Doesn’t that change how we see “Ask, Seek, and Knock”? It is not a “no”. It is a better answer.
In Matt 6:9-13, the Lord’s Prayer, when the Disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, Jesus said to pray like this, “May Your Kingdom come, may Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”; “Your Kingdom”, “Your will” not our perceived need. The only things He asked for directly were daily bread and to be delivered from evil. He didn’t teach them to make a list of needs. Scripture says God knows your needs before you ask. He knows what our daily needs are. He just wants us to recognize Who supplies them.
John 14:13-14 says, “I will do whatever you ask for in My name” and “If you ask Me for anything in My name, I will do it”. So does that mean as long as we end a prayer with the words “In Jesus’ name” we will get anything we ask for? Some preach that message, but I don’t think you or I believe that message is truth. So what does it mean to ask in Jesus’ name?
The Bible Knowledge Commentary published by Cook Communications Ministries helps shed light on the question for me. Their comment on John 14:13-14 says, “In My Name is not a magical formula of invocation. But the prayers of believers, as Christ’s representatives doing His business, will be answered”. They go on to say, “John expanded this teaching in his first epistle. He wrote in 1 John 5:14-15, ‘if we ask anything according to His will…we will have what we asked of Him’.” The goal of answered prayer is to bring glory to the Father. It is not about us and our desires.
Getting back to need or want, I have realized it is all a matter of perspective. The child sees and wants the candy bar and believes it is a need. The parent, with “greater vision”, understands the real need is to satisfy hunger. The need is for healthy food. It is dinnertime. From my finite vantage point I may believe I need something, to allow me to continue on the path I believe the Lord has me on or I may perceive something to be a need for someone else. However from God’s infinite perspective the thing I am asking for might not accomplish His plan. Like Jesus’ prayer in the garden in Matt 26:39, “My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me! Yet not what I want, but what you want”. My pray for a perceived need must be followed with, “But Your will be done Father, not my will”.
For example, being the financial provider for my family (from a human perspective), my perception of financial need was shaken twice in the last decade. Because of situations I did not foresee, there were times when I could not “see” how we were going to cover our expenses. The Lord used those times to change my “panic” into “wonder”. I found myself saying to God, “I don’t know how You are going to solve this problem, but when You do it will certainly be a ‘God thing’; a test turned into a testimony”. A testimony that will bring glory to the Father. Over and over again He has filled in the holes in our budget. He is amazing. I don’t believe He ever said “No” to my prayers. It was more like, “I have a better plan. Just watch and be amazed”. I say again, He is amazing!
So, I would challenge every one of us too really think it through when faced with the question of whether or not some “thing” or situation is a genuine need or just a want. It is not that I believe wanting something is bad. It is just that defining it correctly gives our desire a more appropriate place of priority in our life and it reduces stress and frustration when we recognize the difference. After all, sometimes we do delight in giving our children their desired candy bar…just as long as it will not interfere with the overall plan of what is best for them.
Christian Life Coach 