For Better or For Worse

“For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part”.

These are words we hear at most weddings; starry-eyed young people, deeply in love, pledging themselves to one another. Setting in the audience we get teary-eyes thinking about our own special day. How beautiful the bride and bridesmaids were and how dashing the groom and groomsmen looked. The wonderful service in God’s presence and the reception after were just like we planned.

Have you ever really thought about those words, especially the down side; worse, poorer, sickness. I think it is by God’s grace these two starting a life together don’t really know the depth of the definition of those words. They can’t even imagine the “valleys” that lay ahead. Of course there will be “mountain tops”. The wonderful days together planning a life, preparing for and raising kids, vacations, etc. However it is in the “valleys” that truly deep relationships are born. It is there that the commitments made in the presence of God, family and friends are tested.

I once asked a bride-to-be, “Would you be still be happy with your man if you were always poor and struggling for money?” Her answer to me was, “I would rather be poor with him than rich with anyone else.” A statement made with the “emotion” of love, but the pursuing struggles of life take unwavering commitment and a faith that God will see us through.

I read a book called “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. I highly recommend the book. The take-away I got from this book is the main purpose of marriage is not your pleasure, but the transformation of two people becoming one, two halves becoming one whole, for work in the Kingdom and the Glory of God. Obviously this is not something Satan wants to happen. That means the “battle is on”.

“Sacred Marriage” ask a question that has totally change the way I see conflict; with my wife or others. The statement was, “Is the issue more important than the relationship”? That is a sobering question. Is having “my way” more important than my wife? Is it ok to allow her opinion to take precedence over mine? Can I see past my opinion to our future or is my opinion “blinding” me?

Certainly there are issues that are more important than the relationship. Issues that have to do with Biblical truth, like not deceiving a customer when the boss tells you too or not cheating someone because your friend wants you too, are issues that we must stand firm on. The definition of sin in James is, “Knowing the right thing to do and not doing it is sin”. Sin is the defining line for me. Not sinning is more important than the relationship.

However, what if “knowing the right thing to do” is putting the relationship first? If we push our selfish ways and hurt the relationship, does that become sin? I have come too really like this “measuring stick”. My relationships are much better because the people matter more than the issues.

I had a boss that use to say to me, “I would rather be happy than right”. That is another way to see this question. Are you happy when you push your own way but create stress in a relationship? Aren’t we called to be peace makers? Scripture says, “As much as you can effect, be at peace with everyone”. Maybe we just need to get our selfishness out of the way and enjoy our relationships. The concept has been amazing for me personally.

The next time you have a disagreement with your spouse and it does not violate a Biblical principle, let their way prevail. See if the peace in the relationship isn’t better than being “right”. Are you committed to this person as you promised before God and family? Is the relationship more important than the issue?