Do You See Me

There is a conversation between the two main characters in the movie Avatar that I believe everyone one needs to understand to have Godly relationships. Here is the dialog.

Female asked- “Do you see me?”

Male responded- “Of course I see you. You are standing right in front of me.”

Female then said- “No… do you… “see me”?

The question wasn’t do you see me physically. It was do you understand me emotionally, spiritually. Do you know who I really am inside? Do you know my hopes and dreams? Do you know what I am passionate about, what really drives me? Do you see the “real” me?

What the question is reaching for is true intimacy. Being able to understand what another person needs in their life to truly be fulfilled. To be the person our Lord created them to be with the talents and passions He gave them. Many people settle into relationships where others direct their focus into areas the other person wants them to focus on rather than seeking who our Lord has created them to be.

The definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is well known.  If you look at the core verses on how we are called to act toward others, verses 4 and 5, and then go back to our question, it creates a much deeper understanding. Love is not about what we get from it. It is about what we give.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Every child born has natural abilities that mature as they grow. Parents can choose to study the child as they grow and help them use those natural abilities, or the parents can decide what they want the child to become and push them into areas the parents want. So, I ask parents, do you “see” your child or are you trying to create a “mini-me”? The person you always wanted to be.

As children mature, are they allowed to find who our Lord created them to be or are they pushed by peer pressure to become like the crowd? When they start dating do they understand that they are looking for a life-time soul mate or are they again following the crowd?

We must help our children understand how to truly “see” themselves. Most people learn to “wear a mask” so they fit in. Our children need us to let them talk about who they are deep inside. What they are thinking might be totally wrong, but they need to express it to get it into the open. When they can “see” themselves they will better understand who they are and then they will form better relationships by understanding other people in the same way and know they can “see” them if they listen and pay attention over time.

We need to learn to listen to others to truly know them and how they think. In Stephen Covey’s book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” one of the habits is, “Seek first to Understand and then to be Understood”. If we are preparing our response, instead of listening intently, while the other person is still talking, we will not understand what they mean by what they are saying. If we don’t understand the person’s definition of key words, we will not understand what they mean. We need to ensure we “Seek First to Understand” by listening intently and asking questions for clarification. Our initial goal should be to “see” the other person, not “fix” them. Once we understand clearly what they are saying then we can try to help them understand our thoughts on the matter.

When you are talking to people that are closest to you, listen to what they are saying. Ask questions for clarification. Let them know you want to “see” them better. Become an observer in different situations. When in public are they different than they are when in private settings? When shopping, what catches their attention? What areas of life are they the most passionate about? In what situations do they really come to life?

There is One who “sees” us completely, our Lord. A line in a Selah song sets that thought for me. The line is, “You knew my name before there was time”. That thought alone is amazing. Scripture says, “You knitted me together in my mother’s womb”. Our Lord knows us better than we know ourselves. He created us to fit into His eternal plan. I love to set quietly and seek to understand what He has for me to understand. I know He “sees me” and guides me day by day.