Coaching Those That Don’t Know Where They Want To Go

One of the things I have enjoyed most in life is coaching people to find their goal when they don’t even know what that goal is yet. This has happened as a father, as a coach for sports teams, as a business manager and as a mentor. The common thread is recognizing that everyone has an interest in the things they are naturally gifted in. The funny thing is they do not normally recognize their gifting. To them it’s just “normal”. I have discovered that the things people do when they have free time will often lead you to the answer.

For example, a person that is gifted with a great singing voice can’t understand why others can’t stay on key. It is so natural to them that they believe it is natural to everyone. Often when you tell a person that they are gifted in an area they will say, “I am not gifted. Everyone can do that, can’t they?” It is their “normal”. Helping them recognize their gifting is not “normal” takes time. You can tell them, but that doesn’t mean they really believe you. They can even begin to see that others are not able to do what they can do as well as they can, but their first reaction is to assume that person is flawed, not that they are gifted. They have to discover their gifting for themselves. All you can do is be there to point it out when a “teachable moment” happens. When they “see it” for themselves it is a great paradigm shift. To me it is an awesome moment.

To accomplish this coaching I have found that I can’t be in a hurry. It is their time-table. I can’t determine what their goal is. I have to help them “open their eyes” and let them find it themselves. I have to know them deeply. They have to know me. They have to trust me. Trust that I only have their best interest in mind. Trust that I won’t push them into my agenda. That I will let them find their way.

Coaching someone who is finding their own way is interesting. You must learn to “listen”. Most people confuse listening with hearing. Listening takes concentration. It takes knowing what the person actually is trying to communicate to you. Hearing is understanding what they are saying through your “filter”. Listening is understanding what they are saying through their “filter”. That takes really “knowing” the other person.

Once you have learned to listen to the other person, it is then possible to coach them to a destination that neither of you know at the present moment. It will become clearer and clearer as time goes on. Many of my coaching “subjects” have remained connected to me over the years. Even if we no longer see each other regularly we stay connected thru LinkedIn or e-mail. We try to have lunch a few times a year. The coaching seems to go on but the subjects change. That is awesome to me.