Ephesians 5:21, “ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
As Bible students, we have to be careful not to take verses out of context. Too many times people take a verse or two out of the middle of a book and create a doctrine from it. The other thing that adds to confusion is the placement of chapter breaks and subtitles within the chapter. One of these subtitles that has always bothered me has been between Ephesians 5:21 and 5:22. I discovered today that the new NIV has moved the subtitle between 5:20 and 5:21 where it should be. The subtitle says, “Instructions for Christian households.”
The subtitle confusion has been used for years by people saying that wives need to submit to their husbands almost as the ruler of a kingdom. If we really think about what God had Paul write to the Ephesians, and actually give definition to the words he used, we will get a true understanding of God’s intention of family interaction with each other.
The Bible Project gives us this overview of Ephesians.
The story of how Paul came to the city of Ephesus is really fascinating, and you can read all about it in Acts chapter 19. Ephesus was a huge city, acting as the epicenter for worship of most of the Greek and Roman gods. For over two years, Paul had an effective missionary presence there and converted many people to Christianity. Years later, after being imprisoned by the Romans, he wrote an important letter to the church there.
The movement of thought in the letter divides it into two distinct halves. In the first half, chapters 1-3, Paul explores the story of the Gospel, how all history came to its climax in Jesus, and his creation of a multiethnic community of followers. The second half, chapters 4-6, is linked to the first part by the word “therefore.” Paul explores how the Gospel should affect the way we live our lives, personally, in our community, and within our families.
Leading into the verses on “submit” Paul writes this in Ephesians 5:15-21.
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. Our lives are to be lived out in reverence for Christ, not expecting people to submit to us. Let’s dive into the verses that cause the confusion, Ephesians 5:22-33.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
The one flesh is a profound mystery. Without the guidance of the Holy Spirit, it will not work. One or the other will attempt to dominate. With the Holy Spirit guiding our marriages, we become “one flesh” or the “cord of three strands” Soloman wrote about in Ecclesiastes.
In any organization, someone has to be responsible. As a wife would submit to the Lord, she is asked to follow the leadership of her husband. However, the husband is given the responsibility for leading his family. As the head of the family, he is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Without defining “love his wife”, people decide for themselves how that relationship works. However, God clearly defined how to love each other in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Therefore, the definition of how a husband loves his wife is spelled out for us.
The husband is patient in his interaction with his wife, allowing the Spirit to lead her.
The husband is kind to his wife. He recognizes her needs and desires. Her opinions matter.
The husband is never envious of his wife’s accomplishments.
The husband does not boast about what he has accomplished.
The husband does not act prideful but recognizes anything he accomplishes is a gift from God.
The husband never talks or treats others badly, including his wife, he acts with respect.
The husband is not self-focused, but desires to help his wife be all God has gifted her to be.
The husband is not easily angered but is very self-controlled.
The husband does not remember and continually bring up mistakes his wife has made.
To me verse 7 is a great overview of the relationship, “Always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” It seems to me it would be easy for a wife to follow a husband like that. God gave the responsibility of guiding his family to the husband. He needs to look at his wife as his completer of the “one flesh” concept, not his servant. His wife has been given gifting to complete the work God has given their team to accomplish, including raising the next generation for His Kingdom. May we all “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”.
Christian Life Coach 
Hey Tom
I like to new website design. It’s eassy to navigate and filled with wisdom.
Wives are indeed a gift from God and we all need to be thankfull for His mercy and grace every day.
Thanks Jim, but you know the wisdom is not mine. My prayer is that people allow the Lord to give them His wisdom throughout their life.
Love this blog. I may never get as good at thisas I would like, but will never stop trying. She has invested 48 years in me, and deserves a lot for that.